It's Not that Deep, Brenda

So, as you know, I'm the Seasoned Old Bird. I'm an advisor at a large SEC school. (The SEC, it just means more. IYKYK) Things are competitive around here. Recruitment can seem really ugly, and because of this, some mommas have decided to pay thousands, yes I said thousands, of dollars for their sweet baby angel to have recruitment coaching. What? So, I'm interpreting that your sweet baby angel, what I'll now call sba, can't hold a normal conversation. That's all recruitment is, a series of conversations.

Let me step back a bit & give some context. People from all over the country are flocking to the south. It's less expensive to live down here & it's comparatively less expensive to send your sba to college, and leaves more money for her to join a sorority without going bankrupt or taking out huge loans to pay for college. You can get a top notch education for half the price of their in-state western or north eastern schools. Yea, that's great! Yea, it creates competition and allows some schools to be super selective about who they allow in. Because of this, a lot of girls participating in formal sorority recruitment have at least a 4.0 gpa (mostly higher) along with resumes filled with impressive activities and hours upon hours of service. It's nuts. With many campuses moving some kind of virtual round, how are these sbas supposed to choose who to keep and who to release? How are the sororities supposed to choose who to keep and who to release? It's a conundrum on a colossal scale.

There are some mommas who are determined that sba get into a touse. If you don't know what that is, you can read my take on it HERE. I heard of a mom pretty much paying for her daughter's bid. What the h, e, double hockey sticks? It's not that deep, Brenda. What if that house makes your daughter feel less than? What if they don't really like your daughter, but they like your money? As I've said before, it's not the letters on the door, it's about the women in the room. I want girls to have great conversations and to feel wanted and loved for who they are. I'd rather have a diamond in the rough than one polished to a bright shine by overbearing parents.

College is a time to grow. It's a time for young women to understand who they are without their parents around. A collegian knows she can now eat ice cream for breakfast if she wants, it's the beauty of freedom. But, you don't of your own accord because it's not healthy for you. College is supposed to be the safe place to learn that. (And yes, I know collegians are doing much worse than eating ice cream for breakfast. I want them to make good choices in everything they do. I'm old, not stupid.) Sororities help shape young women into better students and stronger versions of themselves.

As far as recruitment goes. Moms, don't pay someone to teach your daughter how to have a great conversation. Just talk with her & teach her how to properly respond. Teach her to not judge a book by it's cover & actually try to make new friends. Tell her not to be a mean girl, but one who looks for the best in everyone. Make sure she is involved in things, not for her resume, but because it makes her a better human. Have her give back to her community & be a positive influence for those coming behind her. Love is the greatest gift you can give her & one that she can give to others. Love never fails.

For sorority women & PNMs...If you're a sister in a sorority, be kind to the PNM you're privileged to speak to in formal recruitment. Make sure she knows that you're happy she came back to your house. If you're a PNM, be engaging, please. You may not be crazy about the house you're in at that moment, but that's not a reason to be rude. And, for the love, don't talk about the 4 Bs trying to get removed from that house. I'll cover those in another post, but seriously, don't do it. It makes you look like a total butt, and we know where you end up because you post it on your social media. I've found quite a few of you over the years, and honestly, it's never a surprise that you're in the chapters you're in.

Kindness is always a good option. Great conversation is always a good option. Not a rundown of your resume or all your accomplishments. Just a good 'ole conversation. Maybe you laugh and talk about your favorite breakfast food or which Alani is your favorite flavor. You may not go that sorority, but you may have made a new friend. And in the end, when is that ever a bad thing.

Fraternally,

The Seasoned Old Bird